The Familiar Worry of Imposter Syndrome

A week ago, as I was waiting for my morning coffee to finish brewing, I picked up my phone and sleepily scrolled through Facebook. Almost immediately, a post from a women’s business group caught my eye. It was from a woman of color entrepreneur who was reaching out to this community for help, as she had been struggling with imposter syndrome. She has such an amazing vision for what she’s offering her clients, but this experience had been keeping her from moving forward with the launch of her website and business. In her post, she was asking to be understood, to know that others had experienced this, and to see what she could do to get out of her own way and take action. 

Ufff...I deeply appreciated her call for help and my heart ached for her. Time and again, I have had that experience—while at university, during my career arc in DC, and most definitely as I launched my business and coaching practice. And, to be quite truthful, that familiar worry still sneaks up on me and slows me down at least once a year. 

As well, this topic has come up for quite a few of my clients and friends. The common worry beneath the experience of imposter syndrome is that we are somehow not enough—not smart enough, not educated enough, not talented enough, not experienced enough. Yet, pretty much every single person I’ve spoken with that’s grappled with this experience has had the intellect, education, skill sets, and life experience that make them perfect for the opportunity they’re going for. Nevertheless, this doubt and worry creeps in and dominates our internal conversation to the point where we’re not being as effective as we would most love. 

Another common aspect of imposter syndrome is that it never comes up in the context of things that aren’t really important to us. Moreover, the degree to which we experience imposter syndrome is directly tied to how much what we’re going for actually means to us—the more we’re hyped about the passion/project/work before us, the more likely we get slowed down by the worry of not being enough. Does any of this resonate with you?

The question I often get about imposter syndrome is about how to stop having these doubts and worries. But, with any success story I have witnessed or experienced, doubt and worry is ever present. Rather than making our mind chatter stop, we can step past it by shifting our focus elsewhere. And, for people who are seeking to contribute something of great meaning to this world, the best place to shift our focus is on who we’re here to serve. Some questions that you might find helpful to ask yourself are:

• What is it that I love so much about these beings that I am called to be of service to them?

• Why does their experience resonate with me?

• In receiving the support they need, what is it I would most love for them to experience?

Do the answers to these questions make the doubt go completely away? Not always. But, they often serve to show how passionate you are about this work and how well-suited you are to be of service here. Isn’t THAT far more interesting than worrying about not being enough? From here, what would be the next, simplest step you can take that’s aligned with this vision?

Go Big or Go Home (?)

I’m sure most of you have heard the phrase, “Go big or go home!” For some folks, this is a call to action—to be bigger and better, to give it all you’ve got. For me? Honestly, there have been plenty of times when a little voice inside said, “Hmmm...home is nice. It’s got comfy couches, good food, fluffy blankets to pull over our heads... Yes, let’s go home.” That’s the voice that whispers to me whenever I:

• make a 2-columned list of things that I will accomplish this week (usually less than a third of that gets done);

• decide to meditate or exercise every day for at least 30 minutes (I’m averaging about 2 times per week)

• declare that I’ll write 2 blog posts per week (ahem...this hasn’t happened yet).

To be quite honest, I found that whenever I tried to set a high bar for myself, my amygdala (that little fear and worry center in our brain) would get activated and my attention would end up focusing on a well-practiced thought pattern of doubt and frustration. Then I would end up spending an inordinate amount of time scanning social media and news cycles, all the while chastising myself because I knew that I truly wanted to experience growth, learn new skills, and bring healthy practices into my life. I’m quite certain this hasn’t happened to any of you. ;-)

Thankfully, in recent months, I’ve been incorporating the concept of the minimum viable step in my goal setting. This practice has helped me achieve the sweet sense of satisfaction that comes with a success experience—doing what you say you’re going to do...consistently. 

For example, for the past ten years, I’d been having a really frustrating experience with writing. Every single time I thought about writing—journaling, blog posts, cheesy haikus—I would become so suffused with dread and doubt that I would walk away from just about every proposed writing project. Even so, I could still feel that I had a voice that was yearning to be expressed. But, over time, I regularly avoided writing and most other forms of self-expression altogether. Not very helpful if you’re trying to launch a business and share your vision. By the time this past summer rolled in, I truly had had enough and was ready to have a success experience. 

So, I decided to buddy up with my dear friend, Kat, for a 30-day writing challenge. Our minimum viable step was to write one sentence each day. Seriously, just one sentence. While writing more than that was perfectly acceptable, we intentionally set a doable goal for ourselves. As part of our accountability process, we agreed to text each other whenever we finished our daily task—which absolutely added some celebratory sweetness to our accomplishment. 

Additionally, because I suspected that my practiced resistance to writing would creep in at some point, I added a different kind of motivation to my goal—the vile disincentive. I promised my buddy that for each day that I didn’t write at least one sentence, I would donate $5 to a certain presidential campaign that I wasn’t thrilled about. Sure enough, around the 10th day of our challenge, I experienced a pretty sharp surge of resistance. I was tired and cranky and really just wanted to sleep. Then I remembered my vile disincentive. Almost immediately, I grabbed my notebook and wrote my sentence for the day. 

This combination of setting doable goals, creating a buddy system, and adding a vile disincentive made accomplishing this goal sooooo much easier than I would’ve thought. By the time we completed our challenge, I was actually quite sad to let it go. So, within two weeks, I gave myself a new writing challenge to focus on. That was four months ago, and I’m on my fourth writing challenge. Whereas I once looked at writing with dread, I now look forward to engaging with my writing exercises; I now experience a bit more spaciousness in lieu of the old and familiar tightness in my chest. Ha! Who knew that I would end up finding such satisfaction in writing again! 

Does any of this sound familiar to you? Have you been trying to go big and do it alone? How has that been working for you? What kind of support would help bring the sweetness of success to your life experience?